While checking out a new dinner spot tonight, I began thinking about each of us. You reading this right now. Yep, YOU! I wonder what brings you to this blog, what is going on in your life right now? Are you going through trials and tribulations or is everything “Hunky Dory”? (Side note: I will always think of Kathy Hilton when saying that from now on.)

I hope this site/blog is a get-a-way for you… in a sense. Obviously my complaints aren’t a fun read but I’m human. I need an ear to talk to every now and again. A “judgment free zone” if you will. 

As I was eating my chicken parmesan, I was people watching… some were a group of families, and one party was a fresh, young couple. You could tell it was the beginning of their relationship. I wondered if it was vivacious. Filled with lots of laughs and passion?! Remember the days? 

The beginning of a relationship is so much fun! You are exploring each other, both intellectually and physically. The butterflies are rampant and the shit eating grin when his, or her, name pops up on your phone lights up the room. If you are an online dating couple, like my fiancé and I, you get so nervous to talk on the phone for the first time. You think, “Will I say something wrong?”, “What does he consider offensive?” “Will there be awkward silence?” When you finally do meet you memorize their scent and the way their house looks. Was it tidy? Or was it a wreck? (One time I had a date and his house smelled like cat pee. EW. That was a one and done date ladies.) Ahh, the memories of newly dating.

Sometimes my fiancé and I reminisce on the younger days of our relationship. Sometimes they are the best memories I have of us. Maybe because they were imprinting on my mind? I was soaking up every waking minute and I loved it! The “Good morning!” texts and the evening dates left me in a fog. We traveled several times within the first couple months of meeting, once being in a sail boat! It was so much fun but the toilet situation definitely bonded us. We had no idea how to flush it and it took forever to figure out it was a pump toilet (I.e. google).

Being in a long-term relationship, you often forget about the dating phase and live in the present. Long gone are the days of the “butterflies” and queue the eye-roll as they forget your bananas when they do a grocery run. But I ask myself, “Why do those days feel so long ago?” What about a relationship makes us forgo the dating phase and how do we end up as roomies? Why are we so content in doing so? How does a relationship begin at point A and skip to lane Z seemingly overnight? As I looked at this young couple and watched the *clink* of their Cabernet Sauvignon I imagined their life and where they would end up. Perhaps they’ll be happily married in months or years to come. Would they stay in Charlotte or would his or her career take them to magical places? Would they ever know the way it feels to figure out a pumping toilet in a sailboat? It is so fun to imagine the possibilities. 

In the past several months, Jordan and I have made the decision to begin dating again. Not because we made the decision not to date but life has taken us over and we have forgotten the passion we used to have. I love when he opens my car door and the way he says parmesan as “Par-ME-san” makes me laugh out loud. Often we find ourselves so busy in our own worlds that we forget that our worlds collide as one when we are together. We have made a conscious decision to “date”… even if it is just being close on the couch together. We love to be goofy together… as my mom calls us “cartoon-ish”. I hope in the days, months, and weeks to come we begin to reminisce on the dates that are new to us, that we begin to find a hobby together and create new memories to cherish.

So, cheers to those young, newly in a relationship couples. Never forget each other and always make your union a commitment, even when it seems like it is lost in translation. 

If you have ever planned a wedding and everything went perfectly smooth, this post is not for you.

As for me and my wedding? Whoa! #1 I am learning about myself in ways I never knew I could. #2 I am learning about the people I have in my life… some for years, and others for a few months. Either way, I can definitively say learning about these two areas in life are forging way for some major changes to come!

Let’s first discuss what I am learning about myself…shall we? 

I have always been a shy, quiet person. An introverted extrovert if you wish to classify me. I can be life of the party when needed and I seem to always be chosen as the leader of projects but I tend to keep to myself and hermit in my home. 

I’ve always envied the girls who have a posse of ladies beside of them. Man, how I wished that was me! … Now? Not so much. I am becoming more thankful that I do not have the drama associated with what comes along with said posse.

The wedding planning process has shown me why my heart craves the comfort of my own space. I tend to thrive in chaos with work, school, and other projects. However, I surely do not thrive in personal chaos. I like the predictability of what my night would look like with a night out with someone I know, a movie with my fiancé, or a Friday night drink with my neighbor. 

I am at the tail end of planning this wedding and the biggest issue I have had to date is getting along with others and being listened to. For example, I have continuously stated I want my bridesmaids in long-sleeves for the wedding (it’s an October wedding). I am letting the ladies pick out their own style of dress but long sleeves and black are mandatory. What pictures of gowns am I getting a month and a half out from the date? Short sleeves or no sleeves… Queue the eye roll. Has no one listened to a single thing I have said? 

Now, I know that this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. For me, it is the principle. I think I have made what I want and what I envision quite clear. Besides the sleeve drama there is family and friend drama from who is the best-man to now disinviting people. Why? Let’s take my brother-in-law for example. He has not talked to my fiancé in months. My question to my fiancé is, “If he is showing you completely lack of respect, why have him there or even by your side?” It makes zero sense to me… leading me to my point of learning about myself. This introvert is putting her foot down and telling everyone exactly how I feel, leaving no questions asked. After all, if you can be selfish, honey so can I! (Obviously there is more to this story but this is just one example.) I am sure I have came off as a class A b**** in the past couple of months. I am standing my ground and not giving any apologies. I have never, in my life, seen such selfishness in those closest to me than I have in the past 6 months. 

Secondly, as stated previously, I am learning about those I allow in my life. I try to overlook how I am treated by others and the negative aspects some bring into my life. Why? Because everyone has their own demons and actions that I may not agree with. But it’s not my life, it’s theirs. But one thing I am learning, and it’s becoming extremely clear, is if others’ actions bring negativity into my life, I need to stop allowing them in my circle. I’m not saying if your friends do something you do not agree with that you should cancel them out of your life. After all, we are all unique. What I am saying is if a person consistently shows you who they are and it does not align with your wants and needs in life, perhaps you should question their relativity to you. For me, this past year has made me question some of those closest to me. For some I have made a hard, extremely hard, decision that they are not good for me and I have cancelled them. I have hit a hard stop, think of running into a brick wall. I am done. D-O-N-E. I will not be making any apologies for this either. 

However, some people who do not know me at all have been amazing! I have been uplifted, supported, and respected in ways that I wish those who I was closest to would do for me. But I question this. Why? Why are complete strangers my biggest supporters but I can’t get some to even listen to me? To actually hear me. This is something I question and hope to have answers to in time. 

I leave you with this… Always encourage and be a helping hand for those you care about… but do NOT lose who you are in the process. After all, YOU are the most important person YOU know.

Whether you’re in, or have been in, a long-term relationship of any kind- including friendships, I am sure you have wondered, “Is this relationship for me?” 

Is this person contributing to my higher power? Are they filling my cup? Are they a positive influence to me?

Or do you/have you wondered, are they draining my emotional tank? Are they a constant negative? Do I even want to answer their call later? 

I am a fiancé who is getting married in 2 short months. I will not lie, I am terrified to get married. Not to the individual I am with, or for any particular reason. He is amazing. Obviously there is a reason I said, “Yes”. But the thought of devoting myself to another individual for the rest of my life is scary. This is where I begin to question my relationship. The top question I ask myself is, “Have you ever met another person that has been your #1 cheerleader as much as he has been?” The absolute answer to that is no. 

When I think of myself as a potential mother or a potential woman who lives to be 80, I want my biggest cheerleader by my side. Wouldn’t you? He is kind, of faith, educated, and supports me at my lowest and at my highest. Like any other relationship we have issues (it’s the stubborn Leo in me). However, I am not sure that I would ever find another man like him. Hell, it took me 29 years to find this one! 

As a woman in her 30’s I am independent and stubborn. It is hard to allow myself to be vulnerable as I have been conditioned to always be my own second half. As you get older you begin to realize that you are your own best-friend. You will always keep a look out for your own safety, your own happiness, your own health. No one else is as dependable as you are yourself. 

In a world where statistically the divorce rate is high, it is scary to think about the “what-ifs”. Are you a “what-if” person? Because I am. My sister is a complete gypsy. She can up and move at the drop of a hat. I envy this about her because there is a part of me that is scared of the unknown. I like to have my days, weeks, and sometimes my months mapped out. I have a 3 year, 5 year, and 10 year plan. I have always aired on the side of caution. I wish that I could let go and experience life in the way she has. We probably have 2 completely different stressors. Or so, I would think. But doesn’t a life of enjoyment without the demands of daily life seem so cool? This brings me back to the question I ask above, “Is it normal to question your relationship?” Or am I just a cautionary person who weighs the pros and cons a little too much?